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Been betrayed? Been deserted?

Do you know what it's like to be betrayed or deserted?  A friend, a spouse, a co-worker...betrayal just plain hurts.  I was reading in Matthew when Judas had betrayed Jesus and Jesus said to those who came to seize him.  "Do you think that I cannot appeal to my Father, and he will at once send me more than twelve legions of angels?  But how then should the Scriptures be fulfilled, that it must be so? . . . Day after day I sat in the temple courts teaching, and you did not seize me.  But all this has taken place that the Scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled.  Then all the disciples left him and fled." 

It doesn't say that most of his disciples left him/deserted him, but ALL of them.  I was thinking about how Jesus must have felt.  He knew this was coming for sure but that does not change the fact that he was human, with the same feelings that we have.  He served along side these men, these men gave up everything to follow him but when push came to shove, they deserted him - out of their own fear.  Jesus had nobody standing beside him.  Where did he turn?  To his Father!!!!  Where do you turn when it seems that there is nobody around you?  When you feel deserted or alone.  I can only imagine the deep hurt that Jesus felt when all of his disciples deserted him.  Kinda makes me think of how he feels when I desert him even now.  When I try to live my life my way.  When I have days when I'm not seeking his face.  Because you see, he wants me - he wants our relationship to be one of sharing together, spending time together and basking in the love that he has for me and that I have for him.

I am so overwhelmed that Jesus would feel hurt, pain, rejection, betrayal and death...etc. ALL FOR ME - ALL FOR YOU.  I am so thankful that he rose from the dead defeating Satan and giving me freedom.  How can I ever begin to thank you Jesus.  When you are feeling alone seek the face of your heavenly Father.  He is always there for you.  His promise to you is "I will never leave you or forsake you."  Hold on to him so tight.  He is right there next to you.

Is it I, Lord?

I want you to think for a moment of the times when you doubted God.  Doubted that he really had a plan for your life, doubted your beauty in Christ, times when you were just plain doubting.  I know I have had my share of those times.  I don't like being in those times and I know it's usually the enemy that is trying to knock me down and that my humanness so often gets in the way.  All of us have been there at some point. 

This moring I was struck by just a few words in Matthew 26.  "When it was evening, he reclined at the table with the twelve.  And as they were eating he said, 'Truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me.'  And they were very sorrowful and began to say to him one after another, 'Is it I, Lord?"

The disciples, even doubting their own hearts.  I was thinking about what that must have been like.  If I had been one of the twelve wouldn't you think that I would known my own heart?  Wouldn't you think that I would know that I would never betray Jesus?  Yet they all doubted themselves, and had to ask Jesus if it was them.  I think that they all knew their own weaknesses.  Oh they wanted to know that it was not them but knew deep inside that in a moment they could fail.  I was wondering what that might have felt like for Jesus but I don't think he was too phased by their questioning.  You see, Jesus loves us no matter how much we doubt him.  He's not there to condemn us or judge us but just to love us.  It's hard to fathom this kind of love sometimes. 

My husband tells me that I am beautiful every day.  Us women tend to need reminding of that frequently as we so frequently complain about something about ourselves.  I just had the thought of Jesus sitting in a room full of women, all of whom truly love him, and he says "one of you will doubt your beauty" - I don't think any of them would question whether it was them. 

So today, I am thankful that I am again reminded that I am loved despite my doubts.  I can live free because of what Jesus did for me on the cross.  I can live confident in his forgiveness.

Water mess

"Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink?  And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you?  And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?  And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'"  Matthew 25

As I let these words sink in to me this morning it is a reminder to me of the times when I find myself complaining.  Whatever it is that causes complaining is usually just my selfishness getting in the way.  Thinking about Jesus words above brings a new light on complaining.  You see everything in life everything that we do should be for Him.  Everything.  And if everything in our life is for Him, that would mean that even our complaining is directed at Him.  According to the words above whenever we are helping each other we are helping Jesus.  Oh, I have always know this, always taught it to my children - but take it even further.  When we complain aren't we really telling God that he messed up?

This morning I woke up at 7:30 when my husband came in the bedroom and said that he was up in the middle of the night with the shop vac in the basement because some valve on the back of a toilet didn't shut down and water ran over the top all night.  What a mess.  As he came in to tell me he began to change and get ready to go to a time of prayer with some men.  He had been invited by a fellow pastor.  He was tired and probably felt like just going back to bed.  He said, "Satan does not want me to go this morning.  I AM GOING!"  I am thinking his time of prayer is going to be amazing.

I hope this doesn't sound confusing or scattered.  Sometimes scripture teaches me something that others may not track with, but I think that scripture teaches us different things and in different ways.  Doing for the least of these vs. complaining.  Some may track with me, some may not, but non the less, that is what God was teaching me through his word today.

May all I do today, talking with the insurance company...etc. bring honor to my heavenly Father.

I Wonder

Some of you know that my family girl movie is "You've Got Mail."  My girls and I can run the lines and love to watch it when we are together.  There is something about it that is restful.  I was watching it the other day while getting other things done when Kathleen Kelly (played by Meg Ryan) was typing her email - the words played out in my mind as I thought about my life.

Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead
a small life. Well, not small, but
circumscribed. And sometimes I wonder,
do I do it because I like it, or because
I haven't been brave?

I could hear myself saying them - kinda sad - kinda not - kinda just not sure but none-the-less they resinated in me.  I am at a new phase in my life which leaves me wondering.  Looking back on the years that I have invested in my family, running to soccer games, musicals, horse lessons, voice and piano...etc. I now wonder what God wants of me in this new phase which came upon me so quickly.  I have no regrets of the time I have invested in my family but now feel much like Kathleen Kelly in the movie.  So I will end with the next line in the movie.

I don't really want an answer. I just
want to send this cosmic question out
into the void. So goodnight, dear void.

A Fresh Dusting

Today brings a fresh dusting of snow on the ground.  I must admit that when I woke up and saw it I was a bit bummed.  I was really liking the no snow thing, but it is January in Ohio. 

I was telling my husband this morning that I want more of God.  I want to be even closer to him than I am right now.  I want my prayer time to be more deep, more intimate.  Like the fresh dusting of snow on the ground I want a fresh dusting of his presence in my life.  He wants to give me a fresh dusting of him.  Where am I in this?  Well, I can pull back or I can press in.  For me it starts with a desire for more of him.  He is always there, beckoning us to come, but will we?  What is holding you back from pressing in deeper with Christ?  Is it your sin?  Cause that doesn't matter to him.  Is it that you don't know how?  Cause he just wants you to keep trying.  What is keeping you from stopping everything else to spend time with him and being in his word.  Too busy?  Look at Jesus ministry, he was sure busy.  Crowds of people followed him, everywhere he went there were demands to heal and then there were the people who were always questioning him.  Yet what do we see him doing in the midst of it all?  Yup, getting away for his alone time with his Father, to get filled up by him, to bring his requests and share life with him.

I think so many find it hard to spend time with God.  Oh we want to but we just don't know how.  I would encourage you to find a good online bible read through and start today.  Allow God to speak to you through his word.  He will!!!  Remember this "Draw near to me and I will draw near to you."  This is his promise. 

Preparations and Miracles

Most people who are blogging today (Chrismas Eve) are writing about Christmas.  Writing about the miracle of Jesus coming into the world - to save us - to give us life and salvation - born in a lowly stable - surrounded by the shepherds.  So amazing - so wonderful!!!  Today brings final preparations for my family to arrive.  Cookies being made, house dusted, beds made and preparations for a toddler and a baby to stay.  I spend alot of time making my home warm and comfortable.  As I write this all out I can't help but think and wonder what kind of preperations we take in our lives to be close to Jesus.  To strengthen our relationship with him.  I know for me I love my morning time in the word but I must confess that I too, like you, have my days where I get going and forget, or just purposely lay it aside until "later" only to find at the end of the day that it never happened.  I would prefer never to fail in this area but I don't live in failure, because Jesus wouldn't want me to live in failure but in his grace, his forgiveness.

The miracle of Christmas is in my life.  The miracle of a virgin birth.  Wow!  I want you to take a moment to think about something.  Mary was conceived through the Holy Spirit.  Now stop  and think for a moment the power in this conception.  Seriously, conceived through the Holy Spirit.  We cannot even comprehend this kind of power.  Now if you are a believer, this power, this Holy Spirit is alive in you.  Right now, every moment, you have the power of the Holy Spirit within you.  Can't forgive someone who has hurt you?  Remember that you have the power within you.  Don't try to tap into yourself but tap into the Spirit.  Pray, seek Christ to be revealed in you and you will be able to do more than you could ever ask or imagine.