Goldfish Tea and happy

It's hard to even know where to begin today. I started out my day, as usual with my personal bible/prayer time. Shortly after went to Royal Oak to spend the afternoon with daughter Denise. It's been a while since I've been to her place to visit. (she usually comes to me.) What a pleasure it was to spend the afternoon together. God was amazing giving me such wonderful daughters. She took me out to lunch and to an adorable tea cafe (Goldfish Tea) to sit and hang out. We talked, walked in the rain, Denise tried on some really cute vintage clothes (turned out we just laughted our heads off at them) and even walked the fun way back to her apartment. Right over the top of the train tracks. Stopped at a little bakery for a piece of fruit pie, then back to her cute husband and cute apartment. God rocks and I love Denise and Mike.

They leave the end of July for an 11 month mission trip. They are in for quite the ride. Eleven different countries, spreading the love of Jesus all over. If you'd like to check it out or even help support them check out their link at http://denisebickel.theworldrace.org/ Note that you will see Denise Murphy at the top of her page, that's her married name. Just click on the support me tab on the left. You can also find Mike's blog under participants as well.

Life feels so unkown, yet so free and happy. I am amazed and blessed to be in such a place as this. The God of the universe - who created every atom and star, has me, little ole me, in the palm of his hand. He is holding our future, our children, what and where we will be all in his hand. When I stop to contemplate that, really close my eyes to picture that, it is so peaceful.

I worry less than I ever have in my life. I forgive faster than I ever have. I love deeper than I ever have. I laugh and smile more than I ever have. Why is that?............

It's because Jesus POURED HIS LOVE INTO ME! It's because I allowed him to take me through some refining in my life. It wasn't always easy, but well worth the work, even pain. I have seen his hand in my life in such deeper ways that I have learned to trust him so much more.

He's Got it! :)

His right hand...

In my morning reading today I was again reminded - in Psalm 44 it says that "we have heard from of old...It was not by their sword that they won the land, nor did their arm bring them victory; it was your right hand, your arm, and the light of your face, for you loved them." As I walk in this very unknown place in my life this verse reminds me of the amazing things that God has done in my life. Nothing awesome was of my doing, but his alone. I thank him that I get to participate in his goodness, even reap the harvest.

Even in the toughest of times, and we have had those, his right hand was and is there all the time. Holding me, loving me, encouraging me, even challenging me. Sometimes it's hard to "fully" surrender to him in the tough times. We want to keep some control of the situation. I know that I have been guilty of that. Yet it was the light of his face that lifted me up. He is strong when I am weak. Often when we have fallen so down, the only way is to look up. Trust me, it works.

We never know week to week and month to month how we will pay our bills. God in him mercy has provided for us. There is no way that we should be where we are now. It is only by his miracle. So, yesterday I went to get the mail before I left. Brought it in the house and handed the pile to Tim. "Just the Consumers Energy bill" I said, and left. I was but a couple of minutes from home when Tim called my cell phone. "What do you think the Consumers bill should be" he said. Sort of in a tone that would indicate I might not like it. I responded with "maybe about $180ish." He said the bill was $11.84! WOW! Isn't God amazing. Again, his provision comes and how dare I overlook it. Look for his provision daily. When you begin to look for it, in even the small things, it is amazing how you see his hand in every aspect of your life.

Why do I ever doubt. Be in prayer, be lead by him, seek his face and that peace which surpasses all our understanding will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

I love Jesus so much! I want to love him even more......

God loves our pets too!

Wow, I just had to get on and blog this.

We have an 8 1/2 year old black laborador who was diagnosed with Lymphoma. For the last 6 months we put her on a special diet. (she eats better than we do.) She lost a lot of weight and we would find chunks of fur around the house and could just pull them off of her. We could see her ribs and her fur began to feel rougher. About a month ago she couldn't stand up at all. My husband had to carry her outside to the bathroom, then she would just lay there. After talking to the vet we decided that it was time to put her out her pain. Her arthritis was probably not helping. After making the decision we had set a day take her to the vet. Then - the day before we were going to take her in she started to play, throw the ball and drink again. One of the girls said "she knew what you going to do." haha

We noticed that she has put on weight again and her fur has stopped falling out and is softer and blacker. Well, tonight Tim and I took her to the park for a walk. (A few months back we took her for a walk down the street and she only made it a block and we had to literally carry her back home.) So we started walking and I pointed out to Tim that she was jogging ahead of us. That was surprising since she hasn't done that in at least a year. Even more surprising was that she continued the jog for the entire 1 mile walk. I didn't want to push it by going any further.

I had to smile:) Musta is such a special part of our family.
God loves our pets!
Thank you Jesus.

Pain vs. healing

Pain, we've all had it at some point in time. For me, pain has been very real in the last years. Our family has been hurt very badly and there are many wounds that are still healing. The following song rings very true. (by Jill Phillips)

When you start to doubt if you exist
God believes in you
Confounded by the evidence
God believes in you

When your light burns so dim
When your chances seem so slim
And you swear you don’t believe in Him
God believes in you

When you rise up just to fall again
God believes in you
Deserted by your closest friends
God believes in you
When you’re betrayed with a kiss
And you turn your cheek to another fist
It doesn’t have to end like this
God believes in you

Everything matters if anything matters at all
Everything matters no matter how big
No matter how small
God believes in you
Oh God believes in you

When you’re so ashamed that you could die
God believes in you
And you can’t to right even though you try
God believes in you

Blessed are the ones who grieve
The ones who mourn and the ones who bleed
In sorrow you sow but in joy you’ll reap
God believes in you
Oh blessed are the ones who grieve
The ones who mourn and the ones who grieve
In sorrow you sow but in joy you’ll reap
God believes in you
Oh God believes in you

This song is an awesome reminder that through our pain there is healing that will come. That our heavenly Father loves us so much and we will reap the harvest in joy! :) I am seeing that in my life so much. This time of healing these past few months has been such a blessing. We are and will continue to be blessed. God believes in us...... :)

We have two robin's nests outside a couple of windows. One has the babies in it, the other just the eggs. What a beautiful reminder they are of new life. As I see how the mother bird cares for her young I can't help but think about how carefully our heavenly Father cares for us. Even better than that mother bird. This Spring will bring new life.

I love Worship!

I just love worship. For me personally, I draw so close to Jesus through music. I love to sing, I mean deeply singing praise to Him. It moves me to tears sometimes. I also love freedom in worship - it brings such peace when I can sense that nobody is judging me and how awesome is it when I don't judge others for how they worship. We are the body of Christ, we are to love and embrace each other, whether someone is quiet and still or lifting their hands in praise. That has been something that God has had to work out in me. I'm not perfect at it by no means, but much better than I ever was before. Psalm 100 says "Worship the Lord with gladness, come before him with joyful songs."

It makes me think about when Jesus tells us "do not judge, for the same measure you judge others, you too will be judged." Yikes - actually think about that. I really do not like the feeling that I am being judged. No matter where we are in life, we've all felt that. We as pastor's wives so often feel judged. (the whole fish bowl thing) Everyone watching and waiting for you to make a mistake...etc. If I so dislike that, why in the world do I judge others. Those words I have heard my whole life, read, even studied, and yet they need to sink deeply into my soul. They need to penetrate the very fiber of who I am.

It makes me also to think of the words we've grown up hearing. "Do to others as you would have them do unto you." Do I really let them sink into the core of who I am? I mean really sink in......

Bottom line, what I like others to do to me, I sure should be doing to them, not expecting ANYTHING in return. This means that I really need to give my husband a good back massage today. I've told him I would for 2 days now. You have to know, I really don't like giving them, but I love receiving them. Ouch!!

Bottom line, if I hate being judged, I sure better watch my thoughts and words towards others every single day. No excuses here. That's huge, it is so easy to excuse it away. God doesn't give us permission to make excuses.

I still wonder where the Lord will lead us. This week will be a time spent in deep prayer. "For He knows the plans he has for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future." This is his promise. Help me Lord hold on tight for the ride, or quiet and still as you gently move us along. Your will be done.

How Great is our God.......:)

I can't believe I am doing this!

So, I've always told everyone that I do not have the gift of writing. Never have been very good at that. I always think that what I write sounds dumb. Somehow today God is pushing me to blog, through my uneasiness I am doing it.

It's tough as a pastor's wife to blog about personal things in your life. Always a feeling that you are being judged and scrutinized for what is going on in your life. Being a pastor's wife to me has been very different than being a mechanics wife, and doctor's wife, a construction worker's wife (I use to be that) or anyone else. You can't fully understand it until you are in it.

I sit now at a very different time in my life. We currently are not at a church, but are waiting on the Lord to lead. We are completely in the palm of his hand. Praise God that our current situation was truly lead by God and him alone. When you know that you are walking in the will of God you don't question decisions that were made. Sometimes I get scared, sometimes I trust him so much, sometimes I doubt what he is doing, sometimes I am so filled with awe at his faithfulness to me and I am so humbled to be his daughter.

His provision for us these past 3 months has been beyond words. Why in the world do I ever doubt him? I ask myself that all the time. God said in Deutonomy 8 "remember and don't forget...." going on to talk about the ways that he provided for the Israelites. A good reminder for us in our tough times not to forget everything that the Lord has done for us.

I have so many stories to share but those will come later, as the Lord leads me to share them.

As for now, I am loved by the most amazing husband in the world. He loves me with a love that can only come from Christ, a deep, unselfish love. I am so blessed to have my Timothy. And wow, the family that God has put into my life. Our daughters and their husbands all walking with the Lord. What greater gift could a mother receive. I love you all more than words can say. You have been the most amazing support system ever!!!!!!!!!

Dancing.....